5 Gifts Guys Should Never, EVER Give On Valentine's Day

Let's face it, guys. You never want to end up in your girlfriend or wife's proverbial doghouse, but Valentine's Day might be the worst possible night to spend sleeping on the couch. One way to ensure you stay in your lady's good graces is to make sure you buy her a great gift. Of course, the most important part of this certain holiday is the time you spend with your S.O., but picking the right gift goes a long way to putting a smile on her face.

While you can find gift guides everywhere that tell you what you should buy to warm their little hearts, there's not always a guide to tell you what to avoid buying for Valentine's Day.

I'm here to change that. Check out my list of gifts that might just be the only things worse than buying your girlfriend or wife nothing at all.

This list is designed to keep you in your significant other's good graces. So follow my tips, avoid lousy gifts, and make this a Valentine's Day your honey will never forget. And always remember, the most important thing you can do on Valentine's Day is to be present and in the moment when with your wife or girlfriend. Enjoy!

1) A Gift Card- Unless you're buying her a specific service like a manicure or massage, gift cards are the absolute least thoughtful gift you can give to someone. There's zero thought required to give someone a plastic card worth fifty bucks at the local Target.

2) A Self Help Book- Books always make great gifts, right? They're thoughtful, and often heartfelt, and can say a lot not only about the person receiving the gift, but also the person giving the gift.

That is, unless you're actually crazy enough to buy your girlfriend or wife self-help books for Valentine's Day. Sure, she may need them. Sure, she may have mentioned wanting to read them. But, trust me, she does not want to unwrap self-help books on Valentine's Day. She doesn't want to be reminded of any neurosis she may have to cure. Give her this gift and you're going to find yourself at the self-help section of the bookstore looking for How to Survive a Breakup.

Buy this instead: A great coffee table book on her favorite subject is always a winner.

3) Clothing- This one's actually a tough call. Women do love their clothing. That's absolutely true. The problem with buying your woman clothes, however, is that it's a no-win situation. If you buy her clothes that are too big for her, she thinks that you think she's fat. If you buy her clothes that are too small for her, she thinks she's fat.

The chances of you getting her clothes that are the exact right size are slim and none. As much as you might think clothes are a good idea, they are not. You will pay dearly should you ignore this advice.

Buy this instead: A subscription to her favorite fashion magazine.

4) A steering wheel cover- Your lady may love her car, but that doesn't mean you should buy her accessories for Valentine’s Day. Steer clear (pun totally intended) of seat covers, floor mats, a steering wheel cover, or fuzzy dice. These aren't romantic in any sense of the word (and, no, mud flaps with bikini-clad women on them do not count as sexy).

Practical gifts are no fun on Valentine's Day and, though she may have nice toasty hands on cold mornings while using her fur-lined steering wheel cover, it's going to get mighty cold in the bedroom for you if you actually buy her that gift.

Buy this instead: Cashmere-lined leather gloves to keep her hands warm and stylish while driving.

5)  A Vacuum- The last thing your lady wants to be reminded of on Valentine's Day is housework and cleaning. Even if you think you’re being thoughtful by remembering that she mentioned needing a new Dyson a few months back, you can rest assured that she didn’t mean she wanted it as a Valentine's Day gift. Trust me. Avoid any household appliances unless you want to end up with your fingers stuffed in her brand new blender.

Buy this instead: Book her a few hours at her favorite massage parlor or salon. It's a great way to say "thank you" for all the housework she does throughout the year. *Bonus Points if you clean the entire house while she's getting her massage.